Recently thought these updates, but never found time to post them…
Rebekah Barber Biggs
…says I swear I heard a softer tone, apologetic even, when the GPS lady found her satellite and figured out where to tell me to go after I had already found my way.
…hopes that if she has to have a projectile vomit experience ever, that it will at least be with her own kid.
…thinks that showers would go a lot faster if she didn’t have to corral all of the hair that falls out of her head so that it doesn’t go down the drain. (weird).
…is dreaming of the beaches at Gulf Shores.
…is wishing she could go to the car bash Friday night.
…is dreading leaving after 6 PM on a Friday night for an 8 hour drive, but SO excited to see all the family!
…is wondering if there’s any meds she can take for a cold, even when she’s nursing Olivia.
I hate all your show and pretense
the hypocrisy of your praise
the hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stop up my ears when your
singing ‘em
I hate all your show
Instead let there be a flood
of justice
An endless procession of righteous
living, living
Instead let there be a flood
of justice
Instead of a show
your eyes are closed when you’re praying
you sing right along with the band
you shine up your shoes for services
but there’s blood on your hands
you turned your back on the homeless
and the ones that don’t fit in your plans
quit playing religion games
there’s blood on your hands
Ah! let’s argue this out
if your sins are blood red
let’s argue this out
you’ll be white as the clouds
let’s argue this out
quit fooling around
give love to the ones who can’t love at all
give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
stand up for the ones who can’t stand up at all
instead of a show
I hate all your show
So, Jon has been asking me since Olivia was about 4 weeks old if I’d be ready to put her in her own room. I have hesitated, even though she is sleeping through the night. I LOVE our floor plan. The master bedroom is on the first floor, and the nursery and second bedroom are upstairs. My only issue is that she’s upstairs and I’m downstairs. I freak out about things that are very improbable…someone could come into our house and steal her, and I would sleep right through it. (Problem solved – we have the alarm system all hooked up to Guardian again). Or a fire will start on the first floor and I won’t be able to get to her. Or even less dramatic…it’ll get too hot, or too cold – and I won’t know because I’m sleeping downstairs. Poor kid. We tried it out last night finally – just over three months after bringing her into the world. I just feel like it’s one less way I can protect her. I am nostalgic about it. Part of me wants her to stay small in her little bassinet forever. I know this is good for her though. And probably harder for me than it is for her. Last night she woke up at 4:25 am…for the first time in at least two months. I went upstairs to feed her and it was too cold in her room, she had shimmied her way off of the sleep positioner, and her cold mist humidifier was on the fritz. I felt awful. She got the sniffles and her nose was runny, and she started coughing. Case in point. PLUS I didn’t sleep as well with the monitor by my head because I kept thinking I was hearing her all night. Gosh I love that little girl. Hopefully it’ll go better tonight.
My favorite mornings are the ones where Olivia wakes up, and I get her to nurse her in my bed. I love watching her fall back to sleep. The best is falling asleep with her in my arms. This morning, she woke up again before I did, and her daddy took her and let me keep sleeping. At 10 o’clock I woke up to Jon preparing a bath and talking to Olivia. He told me my tea was steeping. So, I’m sitting on the couch relaxing, and I hear Jon say, “No, no Livy, don’t grab that!” Followed by crying. Then he says, “Well of course that’s going to hurt honey.” I asked, “What did she grab?” and Jon answered, “Her privates.”
IIf you could know how many times
I’ve watched you weeping
And I’ve wept the same
How I have ached so filled with longing
To gather you up here in My arms
You’re alone, without home and forsaken
But I’ve made a way for you to be Mine
For I, I am Redeemer
Your Maker, Your Healer
Your King, who made Himself low
That you would discover
The love of My Father
Made known in Me
For every wound
You’ve had to endure
I chose to endure it long before you were born
I’m offering to carry your burdens and pain
Your fear and your worry
Your sin and your shame
And I’m knocking at your door
And I’m waiting
For you to let me on the inside
You can lay your head on My chest
You can feel the warmth of My breathe
You will know My love
You will find rest in Me alone, Me alone
So, it’s 12:16 am, and I’m sitting on a pull out seat/bed watching my little girl sleep peaceful as antibiotics drip through her IV into her little ankle. She is doing much much better now. She didn’t quite seem herself today. I fed her at 11:15 am, but she was fussy…writhing around, and didn’t eat for very long. At about two I noticed she was constantly cooing (like a heavy sigh)…until I changed her position. I changed her diaper and realized she didn’t go crazy screamy to be fed. At the same time, I noticed she was kind of warm. I took her temp and it was 100.2. I called my doctor’s office, and they said to get home, get some baby tylenol, and try to feed her. Five minutes later they called back and tried to calmly tell me to get her in. Jon met me there at about three. When the nurse there took her temp, it was 102.5. They sent us to Dayton Children’s. She was checked in immediately, and they began the many many tests. At times, I think this was harder on mama, than it was on her. They had me take a walk when they did a urine catheter, blood tests and a spinal tap. Poor baby girl. They made three different attempts to get her IV started…and her little hands are sporting a hot pink and hot orange bandaid to prove it. They discovered almost immediately after the tests that she had a urinary tract infection. Her fever started coming down almost immediately after arriving at the hospital. There was an awful experience with the first resident…she had no bedside manners. And she made me stop Liv from eating so she could examine her from head to toe. One of many such examinations. Even though they are certain it’s probably just the urinary tract infection, they are keeping her, and effectively me, in the hospital for 48 hours. The best part? We have roommates to share with…and there’s no lock on the bathroom door.
People keep telling me that once the baby is here I’ll start worrying about her, and that I will always worry about her. From now on. I asked her to please not give me anymore scares like this this afternoon. I hope she listens. I pray she will never have to go through this again. And I’m thankful…so very thankful to have her to worry about. She’s such a good sport. Please pray that it’s just the UTI and no other complications. They are testing for all kinds of stuff to be sure. I know that she’ll be fine, but it’s still so hard to see her having trouble.
So my world has been turned upside down. In a very good way. I keep thinking, “I have SO much to write about on my blog now,” and that is usually followed shortly by the thought, “Now if I could just find the time to type…with two hands. I know that I loved this little girl before she came, but I never could have imagined how she would turn my world around. In such a good way. A new kind of love. When I realize how much I love her, and how much I love being a mom, it makes me wonder why in the world we waited so long.
It’s really funny how much I think about now. How the world through my eyes has really really changed. When I go to the grocery store now, that is when I find myself really calculating. Or any store really. When I get there, do I leave Olivia and get a cart, or bring her with me to find a cart. It gets even worse when I come back out of the store…do I put her in the car and start up the air? Do I keep her in the cart and start the car, and stock it? Do I return the cart with her in and THEN put her in the car? Or when I’m at home getting ready to go somewhere, do I have to run the car with the air going before I take her out there? Oh gosh…and getting gas. Do I risk opening her door (on the opposite side of the gas tank?) while I’m parked for getting gas? I can’t open the door on my side because it would cover the gas tank…I usually open my door. Makes me laugh…what did people used to do when there WAS no air conditioning? Most of the time I can laugh at myself, and it’s gotten easier and easier as time has passed, but I’m still a worrier for sure.
And it’s funny to me how some days it seems like ALL I do is change diapers, and feed her. And sleep myself. And then other days, like today for example…I somehow find time to clean out my closet, take out all the garbage, do all the laundry, clean the coffee maker, mop the floors, cook dinner, clean up after dinner, and shop at Target…and then WRITE a blog to boot. And I find myself wondering, is she sleeping TOO much?
On the third night we had Olivia home, I put her down after a bath and had used the Aveno baby lotion for the first time. She slept. And she hadn’t done that the previous two nights at bath time. In fact she had screamed and screamed. So on this night, the third night, when we were sitting watching a movie and listening intently to the monitor…I freaked out because she wasn’t screaming. She was sound asleep. Peaceful. But my concern had been that perhaps she was having an allergic reaction to the lotion I had smeared all over her body. The baby lotion. And I had to go check on her.
She’s sleeping so well every night though. Most nights she sleeps from about 11:30 pm till 7:15 am. I adore her. I am hoping that I will be able to blog more often now, and I think I’ll have more to write about. Funny though…it may be more of interest to me than to any of my readers. I’ll try and spruce it up.
I was sitting in the front yard today with Moseley…watering my hydrangeas. And I was just petting him, and thinking about how VERY soon EVERYTHING is going to change. It is amazing to me to think back over the last nine or ten months. All the things we went through in this pregnancy…between bleeding so much at seven weeks we thought (and were told by doctors) that I was having a miscarriage, to hearing her heartbeat just moments later. To bleeding for 7 weeks straight. To falling and having to go to the hospital and be monitored for 3 hours after spraining my ankle. To being positive for Strep B, and to this most recent rash – PUPPS. So much has gone wrong, and this little girl is such a fighter. I’m so excited to meet her. She’s being stubborn already…we were told today it’s going to be a while – even though I’ll be 40 weeks pregnant on Sunday.
It’s just so weird to think that she’s going to be here…soon. And life as I (we) know it will change forever. I’m excited, and scared all at once. A child that we are responsible for. I love her so much already, and she’s not even here yet. I can’t wait to meet her. We appreciate your prayers as we await her arrival and will keep you posted.
Here’s a list of things I MUST have finished (with help from Jon) before this little girl gets here. It seems kind of funny to me, so I thought I would share:
Child Safety Proof the house
Wash baby clothes
Paint the bed in the nursery
Plant the lilacs
mail pictures (these are a Christmas Gift… ugh)
Fix up loft as playroom
Book tickets to Minnesota
Buy cloth diapers
Make reusable wipes (to go with cloth diapers)
Pack hospital bag
Create a stairway from the sliding glass door to the ground for Moseley (in our 3 year old house…)
Clean & organize upstairs closets (x3)
Clean under bed
Oil change in Trailblazer
Copy CDs for Brienne
Moseley’s nails and immunizations and mats behind his poor little ears
Clean out the garage
Replace the driver’s side mirror on minivan (yes…that was my fault)
Hang the WEDDING PICTURES…(which we just got THIS year!!!!!)
Figure out what to do with outstanding gift card…
Recycling (there are six bags in the garage, and they are getting on my nerves)
Clean our bathroom cabinets
Clean out medicine cabinet in our bathroom
Create a birth announcement list (send addresses…)
Look down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touch down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared
Chorus:
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what’s underneath
There’s a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He’s out of work, he’s buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared
Chorus
I’ve been here a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well, I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way You’ve seen the people all along
